his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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