just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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