then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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