New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
