my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
