I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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