it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
