hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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