This girl is more easily done than said...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
