Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
