oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
