your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
