I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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