The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
