is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's never too late to be topless.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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