The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
