grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
