It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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