the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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