i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
