Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
