Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
