I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
