Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's never too late to be topless.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
