Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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