i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
