We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
