we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
