i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
