I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
