The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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