He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
