you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
