She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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