Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
