i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
