I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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