At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
