her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
