Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
