So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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