Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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