Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
