You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
