Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
