Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No I am not eating basil off your cock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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