this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
