Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
