ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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