I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
