I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
