I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
