he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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