Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
