you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
