Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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