This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
