I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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