the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
