Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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