She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
