How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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