She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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