is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
