Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You took a bar mat shot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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