come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
