i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
