Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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