so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
