We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
