Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
