If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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