they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize