I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
