Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
