That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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