When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize