marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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