so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
