we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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