one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
