no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
