It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
