They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize