ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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