Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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