Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
