that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
