i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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