my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
