If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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