I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
