Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize