arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
